The Hills are alive, and can touch each other. ( Not Nurie Marries her farm boy)

 Jill is using Windows Movie maker for editing, She begins with  Winnie the Pooh song. Words

come up on screen, John and Notnurie and thier wedding date (and conception date)

And Cue the first of what i'm sure is MANY MANY MANY MANY picture montages.

Jonathan Daniel Hill (LORD DANIEL) 30 secs in little babby jon Wearing Pooh. another minute of Jon Growing up pictures, he at least had genuine smiles in his childhood photos...

Now Kaylee Arlissa Rodrigues. Jill is naturally in 90% OF Notnuries pictures, a child born in 2001 had typically 80's hair and clothes compared to Jon's family...  Some photos are stretched so badly the distortion is so crazy, Bear in mind i'm 2.29 seconds and one glass of wine in.

The montage enters into pics of the happy couple, Kaylee Former dead doe eyes do soften when Jon is near so that's cute. Thier engagement pics are awkward as hell but they are better then nuries! Jill Natrally dressed IDENTICAL to the newly engaged notnurie, Hoping JON would want her instead i bet.

4.44 i think this montage might be done i was wrong.

5:10  it is actually done. Jill comes on screen. She explains she is very tired decorating the church but it's okay it's memories. She shows Walmart decor and bubble for the guests, programs, Did Nurie have programs?? the guest book, and arch with chairs on the opposite side to the room, The entrance where they walk in, they'd have to walk around the arch to sit on the chairs She said they have to decorate the arch and points out the boxes of junk on the ground.  Okay so she turns the camera and it actually extra seating for the guests to watch the ceremony. She goes into another room to see a production line set up Nurthan are pre plating snacks for the receptions, so they'll be stale for the guests. She filem Timmay helping, he smiles at her longingly and she fixes his collar, He then can't look her in the eye.. poor timmay, No Airplane touches him like that. Sam and Gabe are cyran wrapping them, She then shows Kaylee eating and she shriggles (shrill giggles) and they show off her white nails. Cut to the boys singing my Favourite things, in a silly tone this is met with laughter. Timm then realises she was filming and looks embarrassed yelling mama! she laughs.

8:42  Rehearsal dinner 4th November. so the plates were at best made on the 4th! no worse the Thursday was the 3rd so the snack plates are 2 days old when they receive them yuck.  okay sorry rehearsal night, jill enter the event, everyone is laughing having a nice time, the rehearsal night is in the church, and they sort of ignore her presence. that is until someone films JILL doing a speech her, and Shrek are wearing Hawaiian shirts it looks like. She thanks The Hills for raising Jon then cries describing her diligent daughter, and it grateful she is only 5 miles away, David confirms Kaylee is sweet, and didn't give them any trouble, he looks forward to what god would do with Kaylee's life. Jons dad has a speech which she cuts almost instantly,  he says Jon liked to sit with his grandmother at church, then Jill compares her son in laws with hot sauce, She proudly says JON can eat a whole glob of hot Sause and doesn't flinch, but Nathan has a DOT, Timmay then shouts out (AND STILL GAGS)  cue Laughing then Jill directs back to Jon and Kaylee saying thank  you again to BOB and SARAH for raising a son to marry their daughter. Kaylee then talks up he parents and JON too it's all the same shit. Thanks Mum and Dad Rodrigues for raising a godly woman.

15.37 The bridal party practices walking down the aisle. Including, Turtleneck Trish, the wheelchair was right there! Sadly Trish looks bearly with it, Jill happily watches her basically carried down the aisle. So Cruel and so Sad. The parents and the bridal party walk down, the little kids look so excited Janessa walks down the aisle. RENEE looks so pretty.

18.12 Jill finally walks down the Aisle with Kaylee and Shrek. Kaylee is wearing a gorgeous black and gold dress that she ruins with a t shirt underneath, BUT it still shows off her body in a not very NIKE way. 

18:44 Jill stage managers everything arguing with the photographer who is more patient then me haha at around 19:00 she lets the Kaylee actually on the stage next to Jonathan and they hold hands.

19.37 Jill must practice her SING-GING Emphasis on the G.

20 mins ish. they are having a drink and filing more in to the church unsure whats happening tbh.

21.09 Jonathan and Kaylee with their marriage licence. followed by a montage of the rehersal. one photo shows it's a tight squeeze for Jill Shrek and Kaylee to walk down the aisle.. I'd hate to be sitting at the end... The photo montage shows, Kaylee and Jon singing together, the rod fam singing together and them coming back down the aisle

22.51 The wedding day begins. Cute video of the nurthling #1 playing I'm noting here that Jill wrote 5th of November 2023 as the wedding date in this section. Nathan is watching over Nehimiah, dressed for the wedding in a little tan suit, can't help but see how cute he is.

23:09 The girls are ready, posing of the camera with thier messy down hair and thier cheap walmart dresses! They are a the picture of tacky 80's wedding. All the little girls are ready, with thier hair up! Jill's hair is high and almost reaching jesause she is also wearing a white jacket, to her wedding.

it was at this point I checked my video settings the quality is awful, I upped my settings to 1080p and it still looks like an 80's video, matches the wedding theme i guess. The bridesmaids dress is quite flattering on Nuries' Belly  Kaylee's veil is shiny!

24.26, the little girls are wearing dresses similar shade to Renee and despite them being modest, Jill has them in white under shirts. 24.47 We've arrived at the BARN. Imma need a minute and another glass of wine to continue Consider this part one!

PART TWO:

24.50 Camera walks into the Barn to see a seating chart the writing on it, is poor and it reads Pind your seat Other than that not much to snark on decor wise, I mean it's not style but it looks lovely. Nice linens, Wood cut centerpieces Very rustic,

26:08 Crockpot Buffett, 16 of them I counted, plastic plates and over all already 1000 times better then Nuries!

26.50 cuts back to the boys getting ready, they are playing with white balloons haha very nice. and they are all struggling with thier boutonnière , then more random footage i think Jill left in as it looks like there were loads of guests.

27.25 It's another montage this time of professional pics, of the boys club getting ready. Some really awkward shots but overall okay, Special mention for the superman shot of Jon; The one best man wearing sunnies like he's ashamed to be there. The montage then shifts to pictures of the reception barn.

 

28:06 Kaylee getting ready picture montage continued they are good, A lot of empahasis of the flower crown, everyone seems to be pictured fixing it.

28:35- All the budget was used for the photos and decor so Kaylee had to arrive in the ROD BUS. They all walk through a back entrance into the church. Nurie on the way in sees a relative, i think it's the severely paraplegic amy fosters twin sister (I've genuinely forgot her name) She instantly switches to Shiliggling

29.33 Kaylee has a moment of realization, " I can't believe it's today" she's not giggling or baby talking she's genuinely in disbelief. Jill musn't be in the room they are just having a normal conversation!

Ode to joy sounds and they show invited guests.

31.14 It begins, the family is being walked down the aisle by attendants

33.02, The groom walks in and his men. the white carpet it rolled out. The photographers skirt is tight and has a split in it NIKE!

33:42 The bridal party is being corraled by Jill, Jill had to chase sophia and she is PISSED no dinner for you missy! And here comes the fun part, they walk down the aisle.

I'm at 34 mins and want this show to hurray up...

The rod girls are all bridesmaids. Each gets their own moment, which is nice.

36:23 Here comes Jill, being escorted by Her Man and The bride.for some reason this part has NO Sound, just a slow walk to the second aisle. at 

37 mins I'm deafened by the sound kicking back in.  I still have an hour and 2 mins to go....

The bridal march sounds, they all rise, the cameraman turns to Jonathan and he is legit about to wet his pants, he is so thrilled. Kaylee too, Shrek walks up smiling and Jill too, i think the aisle has been widene, theres enough space now. LUCKY they rehearsed!

38.36 They make it to the end of the aisle, Shrek gives away, kaylee alone, He said, I do and not her mother and I., They pull her veil back and she walks up and it's straight to do you take this woman. WOW straight into it. i've just hit 39 mins and we're we already here! I scared what the next hour will bring! 

The both say I do i think  Can bearly hear them but then the priest invites David to share the word of the lord. He thanks them for being good children and makes a little joke. He mentions Hebrew chapter 13 verse 4  marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4, KJV: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge..

He carries on about biblical marriage and covenant and Courtship, he dropped that they were introduced by the covett family. and how they aren't meant to touch each other until marriage.

at 48 minutes a baby cries and I am right there with them. Shrek is still going.

52.35 FINALLY shrek is done and it's time for the vows Jonathan promises the world to Kaylee, then finally Timmya turns on the mic and we can hear him. Kaylee says hers that she promises her womb to god to choose the size of thier family...

55:42- The Rodrigues Family sings Jills Dads favourite hymn, I'm fast fowarding.

 58:03 they are still singing while Kaylee anf Jon do a unity braid

58: 39 and I'm watching on mute JILL is still singing

59:23 Kaylee and Jonathan Pray for This torture to end. me too guys she won;t shut up.

100.29 It's time for the Parental Prayer and Blessing. So finally Jilly bean should fall silent!

103.33 Kaylee and Jonathan hand flowers out to thier moms and grandmothers It's s truly lovely moment when she gives them to TT, I hope she knows who kaylee is.Davids mom also get one. Jonathan gives his out too. it's a sweet moment.

105.08 Jonathan and Kaylee sing to each other. Sorry guys I didn't sign up for this MUTE

109.05 Jonathan Granddad is preaching I hope he's gonna declare them husband and wife soon...

He talks about symbols and how giving away the bride symbols transfer of responsibility for the bride etc.

112.02 They are husband and wife, Boss and Helpmeet etc

112.23 Now you may kiss the bride, Kaylee goes in for it haha She's like OH FUCK YES! She then wipes happy tear from Jonny's face. that's cute haha

112.42 Then then make them kiss again, oh wait no it's a repeat. They walk down the aisle and Kiss again though.

The bridal party then walks back down the aisle, Nathan swaps with One of the RODLETS so he can walk with Nurie and Kisses dramatically kisses her in the background, think inmate 42501-509 at Jills and Dericks wedding.

115.19 The bridal party forms a kind of honourline for the guests as the leave the church.Jill comes out patting her self on the back as the colours looks so beautiful. Timothy pushes trish in her wheel chair back down the aisle and she is holding her bouquet still. Lots of side hugs as they are congratulated.

 118.09 Jill is seen wetting herself talking to some amish women

118:58 Jonathan and Kaylee Hill leave for photos and reception. Bet the guests can't wait for their crockpot feast after their stale 2 day old plated snacks. They get into a car and this is the first time they've ever been alone! 

120.29 They arrive, ROD Van leading the pack, beeping thier horns Or hooters whatever you call them, They pose for the step photos, and then we go inside, cameraperson does a walk around at the decor we've already seen. Then, The Hills are announced and seated, JROD AND SHREK, Then all the kids. In case you are interested

Flowergirl: Sophia was escorted by Groomsman Samuel Rodrigues

Junior Bridesmaid: Sadie was escorted by Phillip Rodrigues

Junior Bridesmaid: Olivia Rodrigues escorted by Timothy Rodrigues (Tim Bows at his name 😏)

Bridesmaid: Hannah Rodrigues escorted by Samuel Hill

Bridesmaid: Tessie Rodrigues was escorted by Josiah Hill

Matron?: Nurie Keller and Groomsmen Nathan Keller

Maid of Honor: Renee Rodrigues and Best man Timothy Hill

Flower girls Jessica Hill and Janessa Rodrigues escorted by Bobby Hill

and Finally Mr and Mrs Jonathan Hill. they are one. They have another little kiss.

They sit at the bridal table with thier PARENTS, this i find so weird! is this a fundie thing? or an American thing? typically in Australia You either have the bridal party or a sweetheart table. The poor kids are about to get in their chair and they all start hitting thier glasses, so they have to kiss again.

The MC thanks the people for waiting and bridal party for taking photos He runs though how FOOD will work and IT"S ALL FUCKING SOUP!!! 16 Crockpots of soup buffett! and 2 days old snacks!

they say grace hoping for no food poisoning.

126.21 - gives you a look through the food, bread,i think a baked rice thing,then the soups, chicken noodle, beef stew etc.

127.17 The Hills cut thier cake, they feed each other and kiss again (should have ran a kiss comp, made some $$) This then rolls into a montage of wedding pics

129.52 which is a pic that show off Jill's chins, not an accidental plural, plexus seems to be not working jilly bean.

130.01- pictures in the montage are of receptions spreechs (Preachy speechs) it looks like she has spared us the horror of listening to them..

130.16 Theres a magic show of entertainment, The big box is  a trick where Kaylee Dissapears and Re appears. Jonathan looked so happy with only change to touch a woman, reappeared...

130.42 Kaylee in Jonathan leave to consummate the marriage we all know that's the most important thing here! 

 

130.48 Kaylee "vlogs" on a camcorder they brought it to save the memories. She is talking in her regular voice and no baby talk and They both look so happy, Kaylee tells us, while filming Jon that they are in dakota to see mt rushmore. Jonathan looks at her briefly smiles a little and says That camera should be on you! You can tell it's because he thinks she is beautiful, and it's said very sweetly (1.31.10 to see this sweetness) Jonathan hears music in one of the shops and he dances a little, making KAYLEE Giggles sweetly. OK these two are adorable. They way he looks at her is <3 

Watch from 1.30.48 onwards if you want to see two cute kids enjoying each other.. I can't snark on this. at 1:34:07 Kaylee is saying how gorgeous the Views are and Jonathan say hand me the camera so i can show you something even more gorgeous and he pans it to her! Yes Jon treat her like a queen! The rapport these two have is so nice, It seems like Kaylee bagged a good one!

138.25. Kaylee and Jon have chosen a verse of encouragement to share, Jill COPYRIGHTS the entire video by simply writing copyright Jan 2023.

Rodrigues Grifted Vacay

 Port Aransas- Texsas  The best beach in Texas According to Google the heathen

00:05- Jill films NURTHAN, paddling. Her voice Shrills as she informs the viewer that being
pregnant doesn't slow nurie down too much, as they paddle past the boys in a boat and then Anna Duggars Brothers capsizes

00:14-  intro plays of SEVERELY Honky Tonk Music, with a slide show of photos and Talking themselves up for a minute.This goes into an introdution of each of the kids, Thier "Ministries"

01:37-
Jilly Films them all siting in the car, parked on the ferry, cut to the them drving on the rd after coming off the ferry. One of the little girls randomly says "I love you mommy" which is met with a highpitched "AWWWWEEES" I'm wearing headphones so as not to interrupt my family and I want to throw them and myself out the window. The Headphones not my family.

02:23- They arrived at a beautiful NOT barndominium Not hate it looks like a beautiful house...
Queue pictures of handwritten bible tracts, and bible at the gorgeous plantation shutters.
 
02:31- The girls have bunk beds in a cupboard. I'm kidding almost but still probably have more space in those beds then they do at home. The older girls have beds and one of the boys looks to be on the floor.I think it's gabriel ,Janessa is in a portacot. Phillip and Samuel Have an awful flowery upholstered bed head, Jilldo didn't show her and shrek's bedchamber, of which i am glad, I had an awful feeling i'd see shreks come hither look and i wasn't ready for that.
Praise Jesus i wasn't subjected to this!

02:50- Careful not to show what she fed them for Breakfast, she shows the back of the house, some paddle boards a raft etc.  The children coming down in day clothes to play

03:20- I didn't have to wait long to see the clip she showed at the beginning. Copy and Paste first bit here Then they all laugh at Nathan falling off. Saying that's what he gets for trying to get the boys wet?? this wasn't noticable in the clip, Nurie has taken her paddleboard and fucked off down the river!
Jill Can't believe she got that on video so she shrills then she shows Nurie, dam she didn't run for it.

04:27- the boys come into swap, D-rod awakes from his kit kat trance and asks them Who won? were you racing?? from the balcony LOL

04:59- The other kids are in the pool, the adult children are in charge, Jillybean and DAHVID are upstairs on a balcony away for the responsibilites of the kids they created. The pool looks tinier then the pictures showed. The younger rodlets have lifejackets on in the pool. Is this normal for americans? or are they lazy?

05:19- Nurthan/Sofia and Jill/Janessa/Shrek are Kayaking. The girl filming, I think Tessie is stting how fun the holiday house is.
She shows the other kids on a board and they tip. She pans around and shows the adults kayaking away and then the rest of the kids
running and jumping into the water. I wonder how many lifejackets they were provided or The Rods had to buy any. It seems the one filming doesn't participate. Poor Tessie
06:50 Tessie tells us once again, "We're having a FUN TIME" Then more photos show.

07:00- Late night swim with the girls, jills thrown coins at the bottom of the pool, for the girls to get, she's been getting them too to see who gets the most, we know Jill will make sure all are given back to her. She she'll win. The scene looks like a chaotic attempt at sycronised pool dancing, to be fair it would be so hard in life jackets. BUT it's so pretty here she says.
then another picture, video of the girls all jumping in and Jill complaining it's HOT, It might be because you wear, several layers of clothes and make up to be MAHDEST.

08:00- Jill and NURIE Shopping for the fam, Jill Notices one of her milks is leaking, Because it's laying DOWN on the bottom of the trolley. I wonder if Nurie paid... She continues filming and laughing not cleaning up the milk. Nurie is driving home. Jill is filming the WHOLE BACK SEAT filled. it's not. Not even close to full. She should come see my shop for just 3 kids! She then changes her stort that the trunk is full too. Still not enough food, She says they are staying a week and enjoying
eachother. AGAIN tell me they are having SO MUCH FUN already!  More Pictures, her and Nurie havin ice cream, nurie posing with her belly
Obligitory picture of herself.

09:26- DROD is grilling enough food himself, 12 Sausages, 6 pork steaks,some chicken and some bacon. She says they are in charge of dinner tonight so they are grilling as David in the MASTERBATER sorry GRILLER! He's the Master griller!  Jill is about wetting her pants with lust over the food , and probably David.

10:27 Game night, David beat Nurie and is proud, Jill says BABE you cheated he says he knows they are playing spoons, and he stole one oh davey boy there wasn't any food on it. I wonder if the prize was food!It's all the eldest kids, Renee caught him cheating bet she doesn't eat today.

11.16 Timmay throws a wooden spoon and tells sadie she was supposed to catch it they are baking i think, theres two sheets of cookies. Jill explain each couple
is in charge of dinner each night it's Timmay and the Lords turn, he even baked cookies. Such a good little housewife timmay I wonder if he is joyfully available too!

12:10 they are singing, then playing spoons.

13:11- Jill is bikeriding with renee no helmets and taking selfies.. Such Safety, Jesus must be helmets now guys!
 MOre singing and pictures and videos.

14:09- each night the MEN lead devotions,I 'm not listening to the drivel.  
Visual highlights include
-Davids Walmart Pants make an appearance here
- Timmy hides his boner from the lord under a cushion.
- Janessa sleeps on Nurie.
- Infact lots of blankets and pillows during devotions does god suck the heat of the room!?

More psalms, hymn and pictures showed. Mainly of the couples, Nurthan Jilly and Shrek, then family photos

28:33 They just ate at Whataburger, after trying to get the pictures David sits in the car flashing the lights
as he wants to go

29:18- Fishing! I get it now they are trying for a miracle with loaves and fishes
DRod is showing Jill how to bait the hook but she claims she can't watch suffering but then keeps filming. Kaylee doesn't
want to bait her hook the girl squeal when a shrimp jumps about lol it went right on jills foot. Hannah and Jill caught a fish.
they caught some fish and a crab. Yum! more pictures of them fishing.

34:40- End of photo montage!

34:41- Couples Date Night. They go to eat, David is pictured with a takehome container. How nice of the ladies to give him thier food as well! Few Cute pictures of Nurthan at the Arcade and then they go bowling, Nurie gets a Strike! she ignores her mothers shrill cheers and jumps along to high 5 Nathan. Nathan misses a spare. David stands up, he doesn't look as big from behind, the bowling balls are tiny, in general it's not just his shrek like hands. he gets one pin down. next ball is better.
Then it's Jills turn, I don't understand i think it's mini bowling.. In australia the balls are bigger and heavier (That's what she said)  this looks small. Then nathan plays the basketball game, He does fairly well. i can't help but think how much the little kids would love this  kind of Date.David is trying to beat Nathan score of 240. He does by 8. Jill is fawning all over her hunk of spunk. While i'm wishing she'd STFU.

37:07- Mini Golf What should be a really cute montage, with happy music, is a song almost putting me to sleep with boredom Urgh. Yada Yada Yada teh adults play golf..

 39:26- Suddenly theres Janessa and Hannah and the rest of the rodlets playing in a Shark tunnel thing, I dunno if it's the next day or they tagged along but didn't get to do anything?
Nope it's day time, it must be the next day. Then they get icecream. it looks like they even have one each,  must be thier lucky day Sherk makes a comments about him eating again, the little kids scoff the icecream and the big girls look so overbeing filmed. Cue little slideshow with more shitty music over it. Jill attempt at Artsy Photography is so funny.

41:40- Jillpm is watching the sunrise in the am, i thought it was going to be a lovely video of a sunrise but she had put over another shitty gospel song over it. I thought she was alone but she might have gotten one of the slaves to take her out on the boats. No she's on the pier and the boys are fully dressed in church clothes fishing. The sunrise was gorgeous so far my favorite part of the video. I muted it as i didn't like the music which made it even better.
 
43:24- They are on a golf cart, on the way to a coffee shop, the boys tagged along for a bit they took some photos. Then it was girls afternoon out, Yes pre dinner drinks, a mani pedi!, Nope Coffee and Gelato, She took Nurie and the 3 not nuries and sofia i think. she explained they took the golf cart so she the all wouldn't fit.so they are taking turns, even on holidays this is the story of thier lives. Jill is driving the golf cart and taking a selfies on a street? Is that even legal?

45:34 it transitions to dark and now Daveyboy is driving the golf buggy. then  it changes several times, the buggy is travelling pretty fast!

47:23- Beach time. Jill once again starts with a selfie on the golf cart, and MORE pictures of them and thier beach adventures.
48:11- Janessa is feeding the birds, chips, Jill is filming because JANESSAHHH LURVES ANIMALSS. Baby talk to Janessa and then she pans to the rest playing in the sand, then all the kids swimming in the oceans and some have boogie boards. Which she again plays the worst music over, probably as this is close to the part where she gets accosted by someone on the beach. no not yet.
The kids are now sinking into the sand and are so amused by this, this is cute the giggles and smile are genuinely lovely.

52:11- Timmay "Missionary Pilot" Rod Tinder photo

52:12- Night time beach fun, and not the best kind, But it did involve crabs so theres that.

52:26- T-rod, The Airplane pilot utters his famous line.

Momma take a picture of us sitting in the sand

54:31- It's Parasailing time. It's gonna be so much fun! Jill, timothy, and renee. looks so fun! I could do without the parisian
music and the shots of what i am sure will be timmy's happy boy face, when he is a big boy. Now it's the girls turn. they looked like they had a ball, it was good to see them do something grown up. again Met with a picture dump and shit music
 
1:00.53- Back in the pool, Jill is staging a photo op with the little girls like she parents them all the time.

1:01:34- It thier last night in at the grifted house. The boys don't want to leave and are hanging out by the water and boating. The girls are sitting on the dock. When jill talks to all of them they put on the most annoying breathy, giggling voice. Argh i hate it Renee wanted a go of the boards and  Jill giggles that she isn't even in her swim clothes. Which look exactly the same as her normal clothes. Renee said Fuck it and swam anyway.

1:02:56, Jill is telling me that it time for the end of the grift-cation, It's been amazing, a blessing and SO MUCH FUN!  She looks like a fucking hot mess raccoon, You can't even see her eyes through the eyeliner and makeup.

1:03:53- Nathan takes over the vlog, they are wearing cowboy hats, trying them on, i doubt they brought them They are pretending to be cowboys, YEP. Timmay , Sam Sam and Gabey are behind him and timmy is jealous that nathan's hat looks better .Nathan comes back with that, that is because the person wearing it is better looking, and his voice has broken! He then jokes and says Nurie is asspost to say that. Nurie offers to take a pic but then he makes her jump in, she grabs a hat and joins in as well. I'm surprised in the middle of a pandamic this is allowed but i suppose that they'd do it any way

1:04:45- JILL is so excited they are going to the silo's Timmay also can't believe it. he's been watching thier shows.  they go to the bakery,they order 2 summer boxes ( I tried to look this up to see how many cupcakes but as i'm not a US citizen I can't see anything)
Jill about pees her pants with excitement at the silos in general. Naturally she  took this oppurtunity to do photos and More shitty music over it. David ordered French press coffee, As a coffee drinker it looks amazeballs. I'm frothing. they all even got a drink!
 Good i'm glad they are eating. Nurthan as they are one entity, shared a cupcake and a drink. Timmay and Jesus shared also.
Jill then stands up in the restuarant and took a video of everyone! how rude! she also caught the satff doing a rubbish run through the front door. SURELY that's not the only exit! The staff must be used to this behaviour they simply wave and smile at her. She says she is about wetting her pants to go into magnolia home.

1:08:56 IN Magnolia home. Jill is  beside herself. I think it's nothing particularly grand myself, I mean some pieces are okay, but i'm certainly not  as excited as Jill. I think she'd like our KMART. And cue yet another montage, with videos of the boys cartwheeling on grass space, coz why not. It's doesn't take much to please these boys.

1:10:46- They've crashed a church, jill loves the doors. And the church, it's so pretty and so gorgeous. Nothing flash to me but whatever. Small minds. Another montage about the church, i feel singing coming on, Yep theres that footage. Who goes into a rando church and bursts into song..

1:13:53- Then she's back outside showing us additional seating for the cafe.... 7 mins to go and this torture is over. She shows  the signage and the baseball field.

1:15.01- It's cornhole time! natuarally it's a competition and the girls have to watch, (i think jill should go to the car and flash the lights at them) and another montage, with shitty song. this is one of the longer montages Lasted over a minute.

1:17:38- Magnolia Market, jill is still raving about the smell and HOW BEWTIFULL it is here.
Now they are outside and one of the little kids looks like she is drinking from an actual water
fountian, They are all standing around it. Jill pans away and when she pans back they are just playing with it. It  really is the small things that amuse this family.

1:19.11- Looks like it's good bye Nurthan and Timmay lots of hugs.
Jill asks NURTHAN if they'd had a good time, Nathan Nods, Nurie goes baby mode and
shriliggles back (This from now on is what i'm calling the voice the kids and jill put on, Shrill Giggles Voice = Shriliggles, You're welcome)

1:19:48- Homeward bound...  Cool windmills, Shitty song again and an end card saying It's the end. thank fuck.
Send wine.

The Nurthan Nurptuals Pt 2.

30.35 Jill made the entire video she just had to mention that of course She even wrote copyright on it. Since she grifts I doubt that she actually paid for copyright just says it.

Wedding begins with an artistic zoom in on a door at

31.17 it makes sense, this is where the male sacrifice enters with the troomsmen. How nice it is they made the guy on crutches walk in and sit down, at the least someone’s health was thought about. The pregnant ladies were not.

32.10 another arty transition to the girls walking down to the aisle very very slowly…. Not Nurie 1 (Kaylee I think) Looks low key gorgeous.

34.36 In all seriousness I’m concerned about Janessa she doesn’t look with it at all and isn’t even sitting up at all, how everyone is complicit and not doing a fucking thing to help this girl is disgusting.

 

35.05 the pall bearers proceed up the aisle

35.07 oh wait they seem to be rolling out the white carpet my bad I’m getting ahead of myself.

35.15 I think suzette might have smoked something before she came, she is tripping.

37.28 Jill and David walk Nurie down the Aisle. Jill is holding on so tightly, Jill and Nurie grin at each other and David’s just thinking of taking nuries share of food at dinner I think.

Jilly takes the time to talk to some little blonde kids, I think Priscillas littlest as she is walking down the aisle, They are sitting with Enabler and Sexpest. David is wearing yet another shade of snot green on his tie which bounces off his stomach as he walks.

38.27 Nathan looks genuinely stoked to see Nurie at the end of the aisle that’s kinda cute, Nurie is all smiles at the point too.

38.29 Shrek thus far delivers the clearest line of the shitshow oops video.  Who gives this woman to marry this man, the pastor asked, Her mother and I do. This is so telling as Nurie was possession being passed onto another headship. Also at this angle Jills dress is tightly showing off her ample buttocks, NIKE..

39.00 The ceremony being The Rodrigues and Kellers are blessed all 50 of showed GG, guys well done. Nurie and Nathan have been looking forward to it Yada yada yada.

39.37 hate filled preaching begins, I’ll condense it for you, marriage good.  Adulterers, fornicatiors and whoremongers bad. I’m disappointed he didn’t look to Josh the adulterer/Fornicator or Jill the whore mongerer at this point.  God Judges, and he likes marriage. The essence of a marriage is the covenant. So I’m guessing Nurie and Nathan have a covenant marriage. He stresses it’s a binding promise they are making today. God created eve to be a companion and helpmeet. A man is Incomplete without a woman. God could have created a harem on woman but he didn’t he created one and the heterosexual relationship is his fave.

I think I might have fallen asleep…   Marriage has been abandoned by this current culture. I’ll have to tell my husband, we abandoned marriage. Cool.

God likes submissive and obedient young people. So does Josh.

Courtship is biblical but abandoned.

 

55.00 ish-  Jesus allowed his side to be pierced to take a bride.. the priest and Nurie… I may have missed a lot but my ears were starting to bleed so I had to skip forward.

57.18 The Keller’s approach the alter. Oh and shrek  The Kellers light a candle for Nathan and Jill and Shrek for Nurie then Nathan and Nurie light a unity candle. Then blow out the candles their parents gave them. As in fuck you parentals we’re blowing you off.

Then of course they pray, You can barely hear David over the piano

59.44 Camera zooms in on Mr Keller, whom David prayer has put him to sleep it looks like. Me too Mike. Me too. Thankfully Nathan is holding him up.

1.00.14 Camera operator has obscured out view of Jill. Nice work.

 

1.01.01       Mike wakes up and it’s his turn to put everyone to sleep.

1.01.02        He only talked for a minute praise Jesass!

1.01.03       Its Hymmer time with Timothy and Hosanna. WOO!

1.05.21     This is supposed to be a sweet moment with the bride handing her grandmothers flowers, but nurie is close to death so Jill to the rescue, she hands them out. While Nurie watched.

1.05.57     The Entire family is now on the alter. Mike and Suzette were shoo’d away Jill needs to be centre stage. Lucky Nathan hasn’t been kicked off the stage!

1.06.10 Shit they are going to sing. not sure what I did to deserve this.

1.10.21 I’m hoping the torture me section of this video is over.

1.11.04 Nathan and Nurie wrote thier own vowels. Nurie hasn’t long left, Jill is sobbing away behind her.

Nathan’s were cute, he wants to give all of himself to Nurie, like jesus did the church, Be her spiritual head, etc, while he plays with the bracelet on her hand. Jill is about ready to wet herself as Nathan commits himself to her.. I’m surprised at this point she hasn’t elbowed Nurie out of the way.

 

1.14.18 Nuries turn- Jill looked like she was about to crash tackle nurie, but then she just fixed her veil. Nuries is exactly as Jill wrote, Praise Jesus, let him choose the size of their family, she is the boss of the house.. Actually they both mentioned the kid thing.

 

1.16.22 It’s ring time.

1.17.23 I think Nurie may be tone deaf, she’s belting out to Nathan, off key, but hes being very polite.. Jill however has lost it. She’s being comforted by Not Nurie. She composes herself and grins at her new husband.

1.20.31 2^nd phase of torture has been completed camera operation celebrated the end of that one with a little dance.

1.20.43  They finally get to kiss! Both are so excited. Nathan is all IN! Little Nathan I’m sure is too. They both turn eager to run off and kiss again I imagine!

1.21.00 Introducing Mr and Mrs Nathan Keller. The RUN down the aisle to “ Hallelujah Chorus' from Handel's Messiah”

1.21.27 Jill practically Runs after Nurie, I assume to give Nathan the key to her chastity belt. Or tell them how to do it.

 

1.23.09 Little slide show of pictures of Nathan twirling Nurie around. Both do look ecstatic. Luckily Nurie is trim. My cynical heart even thinks some of these pictures are cute.

1.25.14- Jill put a disclaimer up that due to ohio being a hot spot for coronavirus lots of people didn’t come. Sure Jan. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8fM1NMGEsM

 

1.25.23 They were so short on guests they invited the amish

1.25.26 Enabler and the kids congratulate Nurie and Nathan.

1.25.35 The entire Rod and Keller family picture sans spouses.

1.25.53 Reception time. Sexpest is MC again. This time he thanks god for the snacks. They reuse the butterfly, balloon décor from the rehearsal.

1.27.11 Josh intorduces Jasmine Kay? And David Waller
Priscilla Waller and Timothy Rodrigues
Hosanna Noble and Phillip Rodrigues
Kaylee, Renee, and Samuel Rodrigues
Tessie and Hannah Rodrigues
Daniel Keller
Olivia and Sofia Rodrigues. (Jill asks us to look for the lady in purple and white she was the shitshow coordinator Her name was Kelly Moles)
Gabriel Rodrigues
David Keller ( Jill was announced but didn’t walk in)
Finally Nathan Carries the famished Nurie into the reception.

Josh hopes they have enough olives, carrots, cheese, and chex mix as it’s getting low.

1.30.33 Cake cutting time.  They almost pushed the cake over with the knife. I laughed solidly for 5mins at this, the wine is kicking in. Josh told him to get the cream on her beautiful face. Ew. Nathan did it. This was apparently super funny to everyone at the reception. Nurie got him one back. Jill still has not been seen. Nathan then kisses the cream on her face. I would have decked my husband by now, yuck Nurie took it well, and josh made everyone clap.

1.32.34 Bouquet toss Only Kaylee Rod was repping the Fam. Lydia Plath caught it.

1.32.52 Loud mouth Josh gets everyone to line up, to farewell Nathan and Nurie. They blow bubbles. All Nuries sister kids hug her goodbye. The video still has 28mins left. What horror still awaits me?
It’s their first time driving in a car without a chaperone! Nathan help nurie into the car, Josh jokes that the chaperone should get in, Nathan is super quick to quash this.

1.35.19 Jill is claiming the 2^nd Reception. This one must have been put on by The Kellers or it might be the anniversary Party?

Josh again announces the Bnidal Party, he’s got no microphone this time so his voice isn’t as jarring.

After a little while Jill finally seen. Her partner David Keller was escorting her and suddenly Shrek comes into the picture LOL was he making sure the other David doesn’t  muscle in on his woman. I think your safe Shrek, Jilly has a type. And it’s not young good looking men.
Nathan and Nurie enter and they sit at the head table but not with the Bnidal Party with their Parents, This is called the Last Supper.

1.37.22 Mike and Suzette Cut a Nicer Cake then Nurie and Nathan. N&N wanted to be married on their wedding anniversary. I guess for good luck. Mike has a Spreach (Speech+Preach)

1.38.24  Rebekah Keller has a speech apologising to her mother as she has teenage daughters now, she is dressed immodestly in Jilly’s books.

Priscilla’s turn. She sounds like some spiked the punch, She’s slurring

Enablers Turn, And Sexpest takes the baby off of her. They talk about how they could hear their parents through the trailer.. That’s a bit creepy. Anna thinks they just pray  about everything in there Bless her little cotton socks :D  How many Siblings does she have???

Nathan now rambles on about how the kellers visit the prisons and apparently Suzette had awful arthritis and couldn’t even open doors a few months ago, and how is dad was there in sickness and in health.

1.41.47 Nathan tells of how he asked for a sign to get to know nurie , then he opened the bible and few paragraphs down he found the sun of Nuri (Nuri is city in  Modern Sudan) and he thought seriously, wow it’s neat how the lord led me to her through my parents. Well Nurie if you name was anything else you wouldn’t be sitting there!

1.46.06 Camera operater is drunk again, or is falling asleep from all the spreaches like me.

1.46.19 Nuries turn to tell us how her heart went to Nathan, She basically just prayed for someone to love her they visited the kellers a few times and in 2018 they couldn’t so she thought her job was to serve as a single female, then Nathan called and said he hadn’t forgotten about her, She had put him out of her mind but then HE WANTED to come to her house. Not for 1 day but 3 days!

1.48.10 The head of the Rodrigues Family speaks. She doesn’t wear the pants though they are slutty and immodest , She is thankful for the prayer warriors that are Mike and Suzette. She feels part of their family.

1.48.59 David Cries talking about Mike Keller?? This was an unexpected development. Mike and David  not Adam and Steve.

1.49.24 David announced the lord is coming and people must be saved through the gospel! Is that because it books float and we climb on them to be saved? No? Oh maybe the prayer warriors are our saviours.

1.49.58 Happy Anniversary God Bless you to the tune of Happy Birthday is being sung and pictures of Mike and Suzette cutting the cake and kissing.

1.50.14 Back to Nathan and Nurie, Keller Brother David (Nathan is the most unfortunate looking Keller Boy by the looks)  talks about Nathan, she shares cute stories about how he Nathan would play Cowboys and Indians and He (David) was always the Indian. Nathan says it’s because he always wanted to be lone ranger and now, he is! This explains the white suit. All he needs is the mask, Yes Nathan Masks especially in the US right now would be so clever.

Behind Nathan and Nurie are their name tags I’m so glad they are there I might have forgotten Jill wasn’t the bride.

1.52.32 The microphone stops working, He says maybe he should stop talking. (No! out of all the voices I’ve heard in the past 2 hours, his was the best one) He mocks destroying the  mic. Jill skipped his speech forward a few times, it’s not about her so that’s probably why.

1.53.20 Jill takes the mic again, this is why she skipped forward, she had to hear herself speak again.

Nurie is definitely a good friend to Jill, Last night she gave all her family gifts and letters and they were all sobbing. The kellers assured them this was NORMAL and priscilla cried for 3 weeks. Way to enabled each other. This is NOT NORMAL HEALTHY BEHAVIOR!

Jill talked about how lonely she was in her marriage before Nurie came along. And how she forgets she is a mother and not her Daughters SISTERS.. What? She used to ring a bell to get the cows to come home. Er Kids.. not cows oops She telling how Nurie is dyslexic and ring was belling..  buts it’s okay because she love gods with her whole heart. She also want grandchildren so get to it. She patting herself on the back as apparently people told her this was the most god faring wedding they’ve been to.. I think she is delusional.

1.57.20  Jill is crying and Nathan and Nurie are pleading with their eyes that she shut the fuck up already so they can go home and touch each other.

1.57.54 Priscilla must have spoken theres a only a picture of her hold ing the mic thank god. Then one of the younger Rod Boys. And a Not Nurie, more unrecognisable people. The Severely quadriplegic Amy Foster.Another Not Nurie, Lydia Plath, and Hosanna Noble and her hubby.
1.58.29 The finally signed all the official crap! I’ve endured almost two hours and they’ve finally signed their lives away!

1.58.37 They are married! They got changed and now they are leaving again! I know this one is real as I am almost at the end!

1.59.35 and they drive off into the sunset

2.00.21 The credits roll I did it. I fucking did it.